Today is a wonderful spring day, the birds are chirping, and the sun looks so warm and inviting. From my window. Other Half and I went grocery shopping this morning. I didn’t want to but when your last two meals have been bagels because that is all you have, a grocery shopping I must go.
Reading over my last post from yesterday, it seems very melancholy, sad. PTSD is full of sad, and bad, but there are good days too. I am hoping today is good day, or at least a better day than yesterday. What qualifies as a better day? It’s a just day where I don’t feel mentally weighed down by all the crap in my head.
It’s a day where I feel like I could take on the world, and tell them to shove it, and not be afraid. I’m afraid of so much now, so many little, inconsequential, things. Just things, that don’t even matter to most people. Like a shadow outside, or a weird noise. Thankfully, I live in a quiet area, so weird noises don’t happen to often.
Spring is supposed to be about renewal, a re-birth of life, and nature. I am hoping that this spring can be my re-birth of my new self. The self that knows she’s afraid but, skydives out of the plane anyways. That woman that everyone sees, and no can tell she’s terrified of life. She grabs it, tells it what she’s going to do, and life just says “OK”.
I am refusing to be at the mercy of my mind any more. I want to be strong, confident, vivacious, and just awesome.
Just awesome.
