WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE.
Beyonce saved me. Not THAT Beyonce. Beyonce, the big metal chicken. She is a creation of Jenny the Bloggess, and is the reason that I am able to be a part of the world today. I forget how I found her blog, but I will always remember how it made me re-consider leaving this world.
Back when things were normal, Jenny Lawson wrote a post called “And That’s Why You Should Learn to Pick Your Battles”. It was written last June. In December of 2012, I was in a bad place mentally, like considering how to end my life bad place, and I needed to laugh. I needed to laugh like a diabetic needs insulin.
I went back to the post, which I had done many times, and I read it. I started laughing. And laughing, at first it was that hysterical type of laughter. Then it was, hey this shit is funny! Then it was, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Then it was fuck you, PTSD. I am going to do this, and I am going to SPIT IN YOUR FACE WHILE I DO IT!!!
Her blog is full of real life shit. Not all unicorns and rainbows, and la di da. It’s Jenny’s life, and how she has struggled with depression, and other mental issues. She made me feel it was ok to be me. It’s ok to be broken. She’s also funny as fuck, and you should totally check her out. If you haven’t heard of her, I need to ask what damn rock you live under and how big it is.
Back to me and Beyonce, I felt like I could actually learn how to do life again. Be a person who gets up in the morning, ready for whatever is going to happen. Beyonce helped me see that I can be a person who is broken and afraid, and it’s ok. I am not sure where the premise that everyone needs to be perfect came from but we need to get rid of that bullshit.
Life is what you are, it’s who you are. Whether you are broken, mental, disabled, different, or just plain off your rocker. People with different views on life are what make life interesting, and if we all liked Coke, who would we have to argue with about Coke and Pepsi (which is vile pond scum, by the way).
Right now, some people may think that my life is a shambles of what it used to be, and the way I see it, it can only get better from here. I am going to push myself to be a better me, and enjoy my life, whatever comes my way. It can certainly be worse, and it has been. I always make it back from the brink
Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with The Bloggess, I just think that she is a great, fearless, amazing person.